Strange but I felt something as I stared at the dying roses on my desk. I looked at it sadly thinking what a shame it was once so beautiful and bright. It made me think about myself and the person that I've become. I’m aloof, sequestered in my own thoughts and in my own world. I’m running away from you, you say, I’m leading you on and I’m not the same person anymore.
Well you’re right and that person you knew is gone and I don’t think we can ever find her again. You see, you hurt me more than you or I could imagine. It wasn’t because I really needed to hear you wish me a Happy Birthday last year because I didn’t care. I was hurt because that day you treated me like I meant nothing but that wasn’t the only day…there were of course other things but this was the first and only time I let you in that closely that it hurt me. I remember spending that day crying and it continued for a week. I felt pain that I had never felt before but despite it I came back to you but not as her but as me…the person I am now. I developed progressively the months after.
So who am I?
I am someone who likes to dominate and inflict humiliation on others. I’m playing a cruel game that I want you know about. I pursue men who are good-nature, kind, optimistic but are so very unaware. I observe them until I can figure out what they would like me to be and then I take on that role and have them believe and fall for me so I can have the opportunity to crush and humiliate them in every way possible, emotionally, mentally and sometimes sexually. I take great pleasure in seeing their awkwardness and shock and I always walk away laughing at their stupidity and feeling sorry for their genuine optimism. My last thoughts are always, “Did he seriously think he had a chance with me?”
I could give you examples but I warn you they are sadistic as I’ve become more and more ferocious. I’m telling all of this because I want you to really know what I mean when I say I’m lost, I’m hurt and you’ve destroyed me. It’s a sick game that I play but it’s not as equal to the game that you played with me.
Well you’re right and that person you knew is gone and I don’t think we can ever find her again. You see, you hurt me more than you or I could imagine. It wasn’t because I really needed to hear you wish me a Happy Birthday last year because I didn’t care. I was hurt because that day you treated me like I meant nothing but that wasn’t the only day…there were of course other things but this was the first and only time I let you in that closely that it hurt me. I remember spending that day crying and it continued for a week. I felt pain that I had never felt before but despite it I came back to you but not as her but as me…the person I am now. I developed progressively the months after.
So who am I?
I am someone who likes to dominate and inflict humiliation on others. I’m playing a cruel game that I want you know about. I pursue men who are good-nature, kind, optimistic but are so very unaware. I observe them until I can figure out what they would like me to be and then I take on that role and have them believe and fall for me so I can have the opportunity to crush and humiliate them in every way possible, emotionally, mentally and sometimes sexually. I take great pleasure in seeing their awkwardness and shock and I always walk away laughing at their stupidity and feeling sorry for their genuine optimism. My last thoughts are always, “Did he seriously think he had a chance with me?”
I could give you examples but I warn you they are sadistic as I’ve become more and more ferocious. I’m telling all of this because I want you to really know what I mean when I say I’m lost, I’m hurt and you’ve destroyed me. It’s a sick game that I play but it’s not as equal to the game that you played with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment